Sitting With Ourselves
Written by Kaitlyn Kotala
March 27, 2023
It is easy to think something may be wrong with us when we aren’t feeling 100% happy, 100% of the time. A societal and cultural narrative often told to us from a very young age is that worry, sadness, and fear are bad and that we shouldn’t feel these ‘bad’ ways.
To take this further, sometimes our physical responses to our feelings can be interpreted as ‘bad’. Ever had someone tell you to stop crying or that there was no reason to cry when you were feeling sad? Chances are, you probably answered yes. Feelings and the physical responses that accompany feelings can be uncomfortable to have, whether we experience it internally, or we are observing someone else experiencing it.
Sometimes we block or hide feelings because it can be uncomfortable to sit with or talk about with others. Sometimes we dismiss feelings when we do identify them because we think we shouldn’t be feeling them or that they are not valid to have.
You have probably heard the phrase ‘sit with your feelings’ and thought: how can sitting with how terrible I feel be helpful?
Sitting with feelings and experiencing them means allowing ourselves the space to fully experience the feelings we notice without trying to make ourselves, or others, more comfortable (hiding, blocking, or dismissing) or more uncomfortable (worrying about the validity of the feeling, spiralling, or reinjuring ourselves with the hurtful narratives we play out in our head)
Being mindful of feelings is an important part of self-care practices and builds self-compassion. Self-compassion is associated with more feelings of happiness, optimism, and social connectedness. Additionally, self-compassion is associated with diminished anxiety, low mood, rumination, and worry about failing.
To identify and sit with feelings, you can consider these four points:
Examine the physical response you have
Pause and look inward
Identify the feeling it is you’re having
Avoid judgment and sit with it
